Ep#12 Grace and Ease - Celebrate Your Mistakes

embodiment solo episode Jan 26, 2021

Hi, everyone. This is June a.k.a Jumakae. Recording my solo podcast episode. I am calling in so much more grace and ease this year and as I am learning to embody it, letting go of the hustle and the grind mentality that comes with growing a business, this whole, “Oh, I want to tap into my masculine.” I'm experimenting. What does it look like to operate from ease and flow? So, that means, what does it look like to share what is happening in my life as I am attempting to embody this. So, recently I just started the second cohort of my group program, Roots to Rise. We have an incredible group of about 10 folks of color, and I say folks because it's no longer just women of color who I am supporting. But now it's been expanded to gender non conforming folks. And even I have one man in the container. And I just think it's so magical that we are literally breaking binaries. And much stuff has been coming up. My stuff has been coming up as I have been embodying this whole ease, grace and flow, because there's so many stories that I am also learning to let go of.  The story of, it needs to be hard or the story of people are going to hate me. If I am not showing up in this way, that is like, I don't know, pushy or aggressive. And I realized I don't like it when people come to me with that energy as a coach. As a coach, my role is to support others in excavating the answers that are already there, which, as a storytelling coach, begins with the stories that we're telling ourselves.

So, so much love has been put into this container from. Oh, I also forgot to mention that I recently hosted a sold out virtual retreat with about 40 healers of color from all around the world and wow, this is the second time I've done this. It was actually supposed to be a replacement of the in person retreat that was dreaming up. Where we would have a photographer who would come in and capture us as our indigenized ancestral version of ourselves. But since that didn't happen, it went virtual, and it was beautiful. What was different from the first time I did this is that I allowed so much more time for spaciousness and connection and we had an open mic. It was so amazing. Maybe I will share some of what was brought up in that space. Like folks literally called in their ancestors. We had somebody who sang a song from her swana ancestors. Kayzelin who sings a song in Tagalog as a way to reclaim her language. And Danellia, who shared a song for our ancestors that she wrote. We also had Jayden who sang a song in comay and it was just so beautiful. Like, what did I do to deserve such beautiful people in my life? And most of them are in this next cohort of routes to rise. And here's what I wanted to get to. So I have been doing this for three years, and I have thought that I put my systems in place and I have the fancy graphics and the branding and I create the modules. And because I now can ease more into financial abundance, I hired an assistant who is so incredible and she's based in the Philippines. I pay her very, very fair wage because her skills are not independent to her country or her location. So we had our first call last week and we set up the emails. I sent out a calendar invite. I thought I did everything to make sure that once people came to our first group call, they would feel supported and excited and know that this was a great investment, as I get to be the life doula to birth their sacred offerings. 

So 11:00 am hits and I'm wondering where the heck is everybody? I also have two co-coaches this round, which is Danellia Arechiga, who is also known as the multi dimensional mommy on Instagram and who has worked with me in the past. As well as, Claudia, who I have coined as the pleasure brouha. Because I am also easing into the season of what does it look like for me to completely release control, knowing that I don't have to lead alone, that I could bring on other people who have done the terrifying things of sharing their story medicine publicly and putting themselves out there into the world, or like sharing their offerings like I don't have to hold this container alone? Isn't that why I started a group program in the first place? 

So my co-coaches are not there either. There's a couple of people who are popping in, but we open up every call with the pleasure practice. And so I call on my co-coaches to lead. But they're not there. And it's so important whenever you are leading a group container that the first 5 to 10 minutes is really going to set the tone. And it turns out that the email reminder that was sent out that morning had the wrong link. So as I'm scrambling to figure out where everybody is and beyond the folks who are in the room are the ones who clicked on the Google invite. And the email didn't match what the Google invite said. So I'm like texting people saying, Okay, just click on the Google invite link and I had no idea what was going on. People said, all I see is a waiting room. And so I'm like, Okay, I do not feel like I am useful and graceful right now. 

And who am I? Who am I to lead a group and empower folks to share their medicine and to create their own offerings or facilitate group experiences when this is feeling like a total flop right now?

So about 10 minutes into our call, finally, I'm able to get everybody in and situated and our wonderful in house pleasure brouha opens us up with a movement practice that went on a lot longer than anticipated, which for me it was so beautiful to see her in her medicine. Because when we first started working together, I just remember seeing someone who was incredibly shy and who was so afraid of taking up space. Claudia, if you're listening to this, I freakin’ love you. And she was so in the zone that I don't think she realized that like 15, 20 minutes went by when it should have probably only been like five minutes. And I'm like, okay, it's time to transition. And she didn't see my message because she was dancing and it was all good. It was all good because I didn't want to interrupt the flow either. 

So we went into our coaching and introductions and then I learned that not everybody is getting the emails either. So the ones who did show up on time apparently are not receiving the emails because they went to their spam and not everybody got in, got their course platform log in. Anyways, I feel like everything that could have gone wrong practically went wrong and the big fears that people come up whenever it comes to launching their own group program is exactly what was unfolding for me. But I'm like, it's okay. I've been here before and it'll be fine. But of course the story started ruminating in my mind. Okay. People are going to think that I'm so unprofessional. Everybody is gonna ask for their money back. I should just shut my business down now and sell pencils or apply for a job somewhere else. And I just held space for everybody who was in front of me and did a go around asking people to share what is the medicine they're calling in.

What is the fear that's coming up for them? If they could speak to that fear, what is it they would say?

And so I show up as an embodiment of this activity, sharing that the medicine I'm calling in is that everybody walks away knowing that their story medicine matters, that their results are not determined by the money they make. The results are not determined by the number of clients that they get. And this goes for you too, listening. Your results are not determined by what is in your bank account because you could make all the money in the world. But if you are not feeling embodied, if you are not prioritizing your joy and your pleasure then none of that sh*t matters. And the call ended, of course, the stories are still ruminating in my mind. I fucked up. People are probably asking themselves maybe I made a mistake and that was legit some of the fears that people named because of how chaotic our first call was. The fear that's coming up for me is that this is a waste of money. But if I could speak to that fear, I would say it's okay, everything's gonna be fine and that you will walk away from this experience what it is you intended to. So an email comes. One person is requesting that maybe this isn't the container for them, another person, and simultaneously there's other people who are messaging me saying, Oh, my goodness, this is an incredible call. This was an incredible call. Thank you so much for creating the sacred container.

And so I'm all up in my feelings of, “Okay, Am I good enough? Am I not good enough? Who am I to do this work? So for any of you who are questioning, who am I to do this work?

We get to tell ourselves the story that you're not gonna be here for everybody. That it is completely normal for folks to want to back out. And I know for myself I am in the season of no longer wanting to convince anybody to work with me. And same for you, you are not in the business of convincing anybody. Only to be a mirror of what's possible granted as soon as I held that space. Okay. Folks started having second thoughts of, okay, well, technically third thoughts.

Because the first thought is always,

...“Is this worth my money?”

And then the second thought is,

…”Okay, I'm all in.”

And then the third thought of,

“Okay, maybe I regretted it.”

And then we play this game with ourselves of really questioning, “Am I worth it?“

So later on, I ended up getting on a call with my assistant who was actually the one who graciously set up the emails for me. Again, leaning into the season of delegation, knowing I don't have to hold this container alone. And she is so flustered. She's so embarrassed. I'm so, so, so sorry. I should have triple checked to make sure that the links were matching. And the colonized version of myself is all like, Yeah, that's right. This is the time to condemn her. And then I remembered back when I was working for somebody else, and every time I made a mistake. I would get called into the office or I would get a disciplinary action and written up. And my shame increased tenfold. And I had to ask myself in the moment.

If I am leaning into the season of grace and ease and compassion, what does it look like to be compassionate?

First for myself and then for this person who is across from me. And if I am to show up as this embodied leader, then how is it that I would respond? 

We tend to believe that in order to teach someone a lesson. Like a lot of this is inherited from maybe the way that our parents have disciplined us, that we need to show up as firm. And I don't know with this quote unquote masculine energy. And I'm just like, no, no, it's fine. Like fuck up is feedback. F*ck up is feedback.

Let's see where the gaps are and let's see what is it we can do better next time. And it's okay if you're compassionate, we mess up and granted, I have been doing my business alone for like my first two years. If I am learning how to release control, then this gets to be a part of the process and that I can also invite my clients on the journey with me.

Because now that I have coached at least 100 people through telling their own stories and launching their own group offerings, it has actually been common for people to say to me, “Oh my gosh, June, I totally fucked up on my first call and everybody who's going to ask for their money back and I'm a failure, and who am I to do this work?” And embodying the kind of leader that I would need in that kind of moment, I would say to my clients that it's okay, it's okay. It was just the first time you're still easing into the process. Be kind to yourself. People are still getting to know one another. They're still getting a feel for the group. They're still learning how to not only trust you but trust themselves in this process. And granted every single time once they completed the group program, they would get raving testimonials and then all the stories they told themselves about not being good enough we're challenged. They were healed. And healing is not an end destination. It is something that we returned to over and over again. So while earlier this month, I facilitated a bomb ass retreat. My first group coaching call. Oh, my gosh. I felt like I was a beginner all over again. And maybe I should just quit now. And then when I look back on people like Claudia and Danellia and the ways that they show up and hold space and the ways that they've been able to take up space in the world I am reminded that this work is not about me. Just like for you. If you are feeling this fear of sharing your story of taking up that space of launching your business or running your own group program, this gets to be your invitation as well.

This invitation to dive into the parts of yourself that you are so afraid to meet, knowing that on the other side of that fear is this version of yourself that is waiting for you that is eagerly cheering you on. How often do we allow fear to be the very thing that stops us from doing the things that are going to create the life it is we envisioned for ourselves. 

And so the success of my business is honestly a series of multiple f*ck ups that I didn't allowed to stop me. Because every time I've messed up, I've allowed that to be fuel to do better next time. And now that I am on a journey of expanding my team, this has also been an invitation for myself to see how much colonization still shows up in the ways that I facilitate in the ways that I delegate in the way that I want everything to be perfect. And aiming for perfection is also going to cause a lot of problems for you. So just surrender surrender, knowing that you will have your own fuck ups as well. But it doesn't make you any less than it just makes you human. And also I know what it's like to take all of these certifications or higher multiple coaches thinking that that one person or that one program is going to give us the answer. When really it's just going to be feeling the fear and doing the darn thing. Anyways.

So where do we go from here?

If you are in the season of questioning…

Am I good enough to do this work?

Who's going to pay attention?

What if everybody asked for their money back?

Well, you know what…

Have you even tried yet?

Have you put yourself out there?

Have you allowed yourself to play knowing that you showing up is enough?

It's not the website. It's not the calendar reminders. I'm saying this from experience. It's not the fancy graphics or the branding.

And if anything, stepping onto this path as an entrepreneur, as a spiritual entrepreneur as a healer, as somebody who is on the path of connecting with their ancestors air reclaiming this ancestral wisdom is actually a test of how is it you were going to respond whenever you are met with challenges in life?

It's not about the money. It's not about the clients and just know that people are going to remember you more for that.

How is it you make people feel?

How is it that I'm going to make my assistant feel?

How is it that I'm gonna let my co-coaches feel?

How's it that I want my clients to feel when they are in my energy.

That I am not here to shame anybody because we have enough shame in the world. And that is something that I am here to not be a stand for. To see the wholeness, even with the people who are making the magic happen behind the scenes. And to not feel like in order to live the kind of life I want, I have to start a business. It's not even about that. Because if you are not embodying this energy, even in your family relationships, your partnerships or even your current job, then it's not gonna matter. 

So thank you for listening to my reflections of lessons learned from recent fuck ups and my intention is that this gives you permission to go out and do the thing. And of course, if you are also stepping into the season of releasing the need to figure everything out yourself, then you know where to find me. And if not me, I encourage you to find a mentor and hook onto their caboose. Learn what it is you can from them, but also integrate it knowing that you are going to discover your own medicine in the process, what works for you and what doesn't. And that gets to be the medicine you give to others, that you are going to experience your own series of fuck ups, too.

And hopefully, if you are a client of one of these coaches, you're not going to hold it up against them. Because who knows that you get to experience it yourself and you will feel what it's like on the other end and in those moments that it's so great to have somebody by your side to be like, Hey, it's completely normal. It's okay. You just take from this experience and you do better next time. And one of the biggest lessons I have learned actually from one of my mentors, Manisha, who is actually a Colon hydrotherapist, is that, if we are trying to control everything around us, essentially, if we want to talk about how that's connecting to our body, we are in sympathetic mode, which is fighter flight. But also we are telling our ancestors, our guides and the universe that we got it under control. But if we can learn how to rest and digest, lean more into activating our parasympathetic nervous system. If we want to nerd out a little bit. And also grace, ease and flow that we are inviting our ancestors to step in and assist us. 

So I hope that you are so compassionate with your process as well that you are affirmed listening to this. You are not your mistakes and that you can rewrite your story any single time. Then hopefully I have done my job. And that f*ck ups get to be a part of your celebration. We don't celebrate ourselves enough. We are so under celebrated. And what one of my mentors, Lisa Nichols has told me is that what gets celebrated gets repeated. So why do you celebrate the good things that may happen in your life? While you may celebrate your abundance, make sure that you also celebrate your fuck ups. You're just so worth it and you are enough. You are worthy. People are praying for your medicine. You are not for everybody. And that is a beautiful thing. The first person you get to please is yourself. 

Thank you for listening today and I would so love, love, love to hear your feedback on what stood out for you from this episode. What is it that you're taking away? I read every single one of your emails and your instagram replies. It means so much to me. And it also encourages me. To keep going. And I'm just so grateful that you made it here today.


How to further our connection:

Visit my website: www.jumakae.com

Connect with me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/jumakae

Connect with me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/jumakae

Subscribe to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/jumakae

Email me: [email protected]

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