Ep#56 Interdependence: Why Self Trust is Not Enough
Welcome to our final episode of Your Story Medicine, the podcast, at least for this season and to what this will evolve into. We shall wait and see because December is the season of rich rest.
So if you are listening to this episode, I hope that you are also carving out this time of the year to intentionally reflect on how much of the growth that you have experienced and the lessons that have learned and the stories that you get to compost as well as the new ones that you get to create for the next year. And I hope that we can all walk into 2020 feeling well rested and acknowledging how far we've come. Because it's so easy to focus on what we haven't accomplished, and where we're supposed to be in life or maybe telling ourselves a story that we're behind. Versus recognizing that there is some version of you from not that long ago that prayed for exactly what it is you have today.
So take a moment to really count your blessings and be in such deep gratitude that you are here. You've made it.
And what I really wanted to talk about today is self trust. Because I just wrapped up the fourth cohort of my program Roots to Rise. And I am now enrolling into this next offering that I have spent so long, dreaming of art to call the Bud to Blossom, which is my six-month mentorship for creatives healers, witches and folks who already have a sacred offering, but are looking at ways that they can intentionally call for more abundance in their life beyond the money in the bank account.
But just in that feeling that resonates from within allowing your business to revolve around the things that bring you pleasure versus feeling like I got to make the money. The one thing that I heard so many people say when I asked was, what is stopping you from getting to this next step is imposter syndrome and self trust. I just need to trust myself more.
Maybe you're somebody who has read multiple books, you've gone to multiple trainings, you have multiple certifications, and maybe even degrees, and you've signed up for all of the free things. And it's like…
How many books can you read until you're able to finally trust yourself?
How much meditation can you do until you're able to really feel that?
And so what is self trust?
Because when I think of self trust, yes, it's this innate knowing, and it's this confidence to actually move forward. And confidence is actually like a muscle that we have to exercise. And that comes with being able to tend to our fear not trying to get rid of it, but learning how to cultivate a new relationship with it as you are in expansion. And I constantly say this, contraction precedes expansion. And before you can take that leap, yes, it's going to require a level of self trust.
And how is it that you can allow yourself to borrow that trust from other people when you forget your magic? And this is the beauty of being a part of a community, especially these group containers that are intentionally carved out for people to be in this collective frequency of momentum, where we are constantly celebrating ourselves and lovingly calling each other whenever we find ourselves playing small or holding ourselves back.
We are a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with.
And just so if you are somebody who feels like you are the black sheep amongst your friends or even your family, you're diving into personal development. You are also maybe dabbling into magic and dreaming about a life that is even greater than the one that you are currently in, where you know that in your bones that there is so much more that you can do with your medicine. And yet everyone around you seems to be focusing on all the things that are going wrong, or you're surrounded by people who are just complaining or gossiping. Then it's easy to be able to forget, forget your intentions. And what is it that's drawing you to something even greater? Which is why I would highly encourage that if you are not a part of some community that is exercising, practicing their own magic that is in the realm of personal development. And I also want to challenge what personal development means because it can come off as very individualistic. And what I have come to find is that it's so much more powerful when you can walk this path alongside other people.
I'm currently reading this book Braiding SweetGrass right now. And I am reminded that the healthiest tree is the one that thrives in the forest amongst other trees. And when we think about plants, and their own ecosystem, it's like when one plant is weak, then what happens? Underneath the soil is this mycelium network where they are borrowing nutrients from one another. A tree cannot thrive in isolation. And how many of us are telling ourselves this narrative that, Oh, I can do this. I've got this. I have all the tools that I need. Yes, you do! And what are you going to do with it?
Will you allow yourself to be witnessed even amongst your own vulnerability in your mistakes?
Will you allow those parts of you to come out because shame dies in places in our store where our stories are shared?
Right? And so are you a part of this intentional community, this network where you can borrow those nutrients, that rich soil from others whenever you are feeling depleted. Whenever you are feeling dry, whenever you're in the season of compost. So that you can come out of your darkness, out of your shadow is even stronger than ever. Because you have this root system that creates this sense of interdependence. Right? So many of us have been conditioned to be independent, I can do it myself. And then we have this fear of being codependent as well. And there is a level of healthy codependency, which I guess I would reframe as interdependence.
How is it that we can move from independence to interdependence?
And so this is why I am so jazzed up, so passionate about curating these spaces to where we can see each and every single one of us as these plant beings. Right? These plant ancestors where we can strengthen our roots, which is why in every program that I do, I always open up with calling in our ancestors. How is it that you can dedicate the work that you are doing to something even greater than yourself? Because we are all on our way to becoming ancestors and one day there will be another person who the next generation may envision as somebody they call upon as inspiration. Because of how it is we chose to show up in this lifetime.
So what are the seeds you are planting today that will be passed down as stories for the ones that have yet to come?
In entrepreneurship, what we are doing is that we are creating our own ecosystem and this year has been completely wild for me from coming out of a 10-year relationship where I was living in this one bedroom apartment for over 10 years. And I was a growing plant inside of a pot that I no longer fit in. And after almost losing my mother, after almost questioning whether or not she would become an ancestor, walking away from that relationship, moving back in with my parents, and doing so much travel, by the way, to really find the spaciousness to be alone with myself. And question, okay, where is it that I'm going next? And just saying, spirit uses me as a vessel to do greater good in the world. And while it can feel like nothing is changing, it's like, wow, you know what, I've actually come a really long way. And thank goodness, thank goodness, I have another chance with my parents before they cross to the other side. And I've had to learn how to set my own healthy boundaries to where I have graduated from working on the couch, to renting out my own little office space, which I like to call my vortex or my laboratory instead. Because I didn't start a business to be in a cubicle. Right? And it's just the first couple of years of growing my business from home, not having to wear pants, especially because I was already on Zoom before, it became like our primary source of meeting with people. You know, it was cute. It was cute to say I built a business from my couch, or from my bed without wearing pants on. And then when I moved back home with my parents, and I'm in my childhood bedroom, you know, it's really difficult to be an adult from that space. And so I had to boss myself up and see my bedroom as the sanctuary, as the place for me to restore. But even then, I was feeling extremely isolated like a weed that was growing in the concrete searching for my own root system.
And so the fact that I found this co-working space that just opened up less than two miles away, was a blessing. And so now, I actually get dressed to go to work because there's an energetic shift that happens. And it's helped me to also give space between me and my parents. Because for me, as the new matriarch, there's a lot of support that they need. And now that I am in this office space, I am part of this ecosystem, this mycelium network of other entrepreneurs who are intentionally carving out time to show up for their own dharma. And it's been so healing for me to remember that I'm no longer in an environment where I'm getting caught up in office drama, because we have to be accountable in showing up for this sacred work. We are literally creating an alternative ecosystem. And I had this moment after I signed the lease, where I started to doubt myself, can I really do this? And then there was a job opening at the front desk to help bring more clients to rent out these units because they suffered greatly last year. And so they're rebuilding their own network.
And when I reflected back on my year, I had actually made more money in less time than last year. And this is why I'm telling you all the fear doesn't go away. And yes, I trust myself but I have my own coaches and I have my own sisters who are also choosing entrepreneurship as their sacred path of devotion that had to like reel me back in and just say, remember your magic? Remember what it is you do? And why is it you do all of this and why? It's because I want to see more of us being excited about contributing to a new ecosystem as our alternative to exploitive capitalism that just sees people as numbers versus as souls with feelings, with dreams. As well that are lying dormant and to really embody that there gets to be more than enough for all of us to go around.
And me paying rent for this office unit is also paying the wage to whoever it is will be hired to help bring more joy to the space. So that when I walk in, I can feel loved and I can feel greeted and I can just find so much joy in recognizing that I am helping to invest in somebody else's dream.
So if you have been telling yourself the story, I need to just trust myself more, I have all the information. It is like I need and I just got to integrate. I hear that so much as well.
Then ask yourself.
How much more can you trust yourself until you realize that you are allowed to call on other people for support?
And I often do that. I often do that with my own friends. Like today, I'm forgetting my own magic. And like, can we just go back and forth reminding each other of how amazing we're doing? And I also want to remind you that you are doing so wonderful. And if you have something to write with, just take this time right now to say, I am so proud of myself. I am so proud of myself because we don't brag enough about ourselves.
So one of the modules inside of my program is to have people write down their brags, and I find that so many people struggle with this because of the fear of taking up too much space. If I shine too much, then that's going to make somebody else feel less than. And wow, it just tells me how much scarcity has been so programmed in us to believe that when you shine, that it takes away from my light. No, actually, it only amplifies it more. And if somebody else is feeling activated or triggered by you illuminating, then that's not your people. And it doesn't mean that you are cocky or that you don't care about other people. It's that I know for myself, as a little girl, whenever I would stare at the television screen, I would be so confused why there was nobody who looked like me. And I searched and searched and searched until I realized that I get to be the one that I was praying for. And I studied theater.
In college, I thought that I was going to work in Hollywood and maybe be an actress. I got all of these awards for my acting and in college and in high school. And then I realized that there were no roles that were written for people like me or people who looked like me. And that's what led me into spoken word where I wrote my own play about my mother's immigration experience coming from Thailand to the United States. And next thing you know, I started getting commissioned to direct play where I organized community members in Long Beach and we talked about issues ranging from hotel workers rights to environmental justice. Where I had the opportunity to coach the actual people who were being impacted by these issues to tell their own stories.
This is what it means to become the author of our own lives.
And what would have happened if we just told everybody to just trust themselves.
That would have been a story that would be played out for a long time. Until one day you wake up realizing, you know what, I'm actually ready to receive support, I'm ready to plant my roots into my highest intention. I'm ready to call upon my guides, my ancestors, God, my spirit team and also other individuals to be a part of this garden. This forest that I'm cultivating to where when I feel like collapsing, I can recognize that underneath the soil, my roots are being bound with others. And that I can also support them when they are feeling malnourished. And that is the beauty of us walking this journey together, that we can illuminate one another, that we can help this world shine so much brighter from the muck, and the filth and the darkness and the grief that it's experiencing. And we can also grieve together. And when we can do that, that is where the shame can dissipate.
And so if you are somebody that has been telling yourself the story, I need to trust myself more. And I feel like an imposter. And by the way, I've talked to hundreds of people at this point where every time I hear, Oh, it's because I'm experiencing imposter syndrome, it's important to question, is it really a syndrome? Or is this a natural condition of being human? And what if more of us talked about this and of course, we're going to feel like imposters, especially if we didn't see anybody that looked like us or shared the same belief systems growing up. Especially in the roles that we see ourselves in.
And I'm gently calling you in if you are somebody who has been telling yourself the story, I am not a healer, who am I to claim that to be a healer doesn't mean that you go around healing other people. But by allowing yourself to receive the very medicine you want to give to others and by embodying that for yourself, that gives others permission to also put themselves first, to nourish themselves. And when you are pouring into yourself intentionally, others can also borrow that trust from you when they forget their magic.
All right. So what is happening next? I actually closed the lot. I was supposed to close the early bird enrollment for Bud to Blossom last week. But I am a lazy entrepreneur and I did very little marketing. And at the time of this recording, we only have two spots left. And this is specifically for the radical healers and the trailblazers who can relate to so much of what I'm saying. And maybe you have already built the foundation of having your own sacred offerings. And maybe you're the one that's consistently holding the space for other people. And yet, you're wondering who can hold it for me, and I'm not here to be the expert. I'm not here to be your healer. I am here to walk side by side with you and the several other folks who have been specifically selected for this container.
This is not for anybody who is just new to this work. And if you are in a place where you are questioning what is your story, what is your medicine, what is your sacred offering, then consider signing up for the waiting list for Roots to Rise, which is my 12-week storytelling and legacy exhales accelerator. And we'll bring that back probably around springtime because again season a rich rest. And I'm gonna be honest, sometimes it feels like I'm talking to an echo chamber because I'm not always so sure who is listening to these episodes. And my stories and your feedback is one of the greatest gifts that you could give me, even a simple affirmation tagging me in something that resonated with you. Because I really want this podcast, not just my podcast, but Your Story Medicine to not just be Jumakae’s medicine, but a co-creator with the people who are resonating with this vision that I had four years ago that has now translated into what it is you see and what it is you here today.
If you are somebody who is open to having a connection call with me, this is where I thrive. If you are somebody who is struggling to trust themselves, then I invite you to send me a message. And because this is the season of rich rest, let's have our own little tea party date. I don't really drink coffee, like a 20-minute conversation for us to simply connect. Or if you're curious about what it's like to be a part of this community that I have intentionally cultivated and curated, then I want to have a conversation with you. I want to learn about what it is that you're dreaming about, what is it that's holding you back? And how is it that I can support you whether that means working with me, me referring you to somebody else that may be in more alignment, or if that looks like you just walking the path that you are already on. And if you have been somebody who has been consistently listening, or even if you're new, I just so appreciate you for being here. And there's no coincidence that you're listening to this right now. And I just feel like everything I'm creating is like I'm casting spells to bring forth the right alignment to people into my life that I have been dreaming of playing with. And so I'm assuming that that is you.
Thank you for being a part of this little seedling that has sprouted, that has been added into what it is today.
You are my answered prayers that I will end off with.
But I want to know that you exist.
So reach out to me and stay engaged on my email list if you're not because I'll continue sending stories and love notes on there. And otherwise, I invite you. So also enjoy the season of rich rest so that we can all enter 2022 well rested.